you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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