Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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