im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
