You're completely useless in the revolution.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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