this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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