I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
