he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
