k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
