Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize