dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize