What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
