M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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