Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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