just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I didn't notice because vodka
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
