Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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