my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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