My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
