"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
