were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize