I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
