I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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