We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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