she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize