How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
