well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
