we have pet lesbian snakes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
