This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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