The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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