i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
