don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
