I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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