eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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