I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
