dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
