fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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