I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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