I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
