I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
