At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize