There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
