i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
