the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
