If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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