please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
