My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
