just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize