Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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