If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
