i permit you to call me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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