So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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