I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
