i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
