I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
In America we eat man semen.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
