my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
