and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
