By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
