I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
