Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize