No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
