I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
