im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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