I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
