It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need a beard to bite.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
