I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
