"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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