You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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