What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
