Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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