she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
