I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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