I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize