im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
