the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
