first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
