Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
