yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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