totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
