me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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