she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
