Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
