Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
