I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
