About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
