Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
