Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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