After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I pour the whiskey from now on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
