I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My life is pants optional.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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