you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
