Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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