We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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