We got so high we made milksteak
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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