my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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