u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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