morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
