Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
