I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are we still banned from the library?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
