That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
