I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
