um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
