I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
