so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he was CRYING into my vagina
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
