Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
