it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
