its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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