I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
