i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
