come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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