I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
