Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
