I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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