oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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