did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
