from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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